1. I know every single customer's name, spouse's name, account number, account balance, their overdraft limit, their PIN number, and the amount of their last deposit. I'm that good.
2. Why yes, of course I have $2,000 in two-dollar bills. That's a common denomination used in everyday banking, so I absolutely have that amount ready to sell to you.
3. I know the date and time of every single new coin that the government releases. Even the ones they haven't thought of yet!!!
4. No, as a matter of fact, your daughter cannot take money out of your account if she isn't a signer. Even if she brings in your ID.
5. Seeing as the last check you deposited bounced, yes, I do have to put a hold on this one, especially since it's made out for $12,000, and you only seem to have $113 in your account.
6. I control the regulations the government places on depository banks. I, alone, control them.
7. No, I'm sorry, I cannot open a new account for you. I'm not a personal banker. Yes, I recognize that it's a HUGE inconvenience to walk the 15 feet to the personal banker's desk. I apologize.
8. No, I cannot cash your check. Not only do you not have an account with us, but your check is out of date, written out for $20,000, and you don't have any form of ID to prove that you are the person to whom the check is written.
9. Your ID is expired. It's not my fault that you forgot to hop down to the DMV to have them send you a new one. Stop scowling at me.
10. I'm not lying when I tell you that the check your aunt/best friend/plumber/cable company/psychic wrote you is insufficient, and therefore unable to be cashed. Really. I'm not.
11. There are a number of proper responses to the question, "Hello, how are you today?!" Some of those responses may include, "very well, thank you, and yourself?," "eh, I've been better," or "I'm awful--this is the worst day of my life, I hate everyone, and my cat shit all over my brand new white carpet." Any of these are fine. Complete silence is not a response. I just asked you a question. ANSWER IT. I'm not beneath you, I don't transform into a goat when I get off work. I'm a person, with a soul and feelings. When your wife or mother or friend asks you a question, do you ignore them? Didn't think so. Use common courtesy and provide a response. It will greatly lift my opinion of people in general.
12. Yes, I realize that you have $7.5 million dollars in your account. That is SO FANTASTIC for you! That does not mean that you can toss your ID onto my desk without looking at me. That does not mean that you are physically incapable of filling out your own deposit slip. That also does not mean that you can effectively communicate with me using grunts and nods.
13. I don't care that your husband has millions of dollars. I also do not care about the perfume business you're starting. No, I don't want "my own fabulous scent" for the low low price of $50 an ounce.
14. I'm not your therapist. I don't need to know your life story, your daughter's life story, or your dog's (which you've felt the need to bring inside this place of business with you) life story. I don't care that your mother-in-law didn't like the turkey you cooked for Thanksgiving.
15. It's illegal for me to tell you the balance of your husband's account. You aren't a signer on that account. Yes, I'm aware that you're his wife.
16. The signs that say "The cutoff for deposits on each business day is 3:00pm" apply to you, too. No, I cannot go into the computer and change the date on the system. I'm sorry you got here late. That's obviously my fault. I'll go back in time (because I apparently have that power) and do your deposit 30 minutes ago. No prob.
17. No, I cannot stamp and mail your bills. Stamps cost money. Sealing, stamping and taking mail to the post office also costs money. This is not the post office. This is the bank.
18. No, there's nothing wrong with the bank website. That's your internet. Your ISP's lack of service is not our fault or problem.
19. Yes, I did, personally, cause the U.S. bank collapse. Take all your frustrations out on me, because it IS my fault!!!
20. I love anwering the phone at the bank. Here's why:
Me: Good afternoon, *name of bank*, this is Whitney, how may I direct your call?
Customer: WHAT'S MY BALANCE????
Me: One moment, sir, let me direct you to customer service, and they'll be happy to assist you.
Customer: NO, JUST TELL ME MY BALANCE, GATDAMNIT!
21. What's that? It's my fault your loan payment is late? Oh, yes, you're right. It was due Friday, April 2nd, and you put it in the night depository on Friday, April 2nd, at 11:00pm. I should have hung around and waited for you.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Engaged!!!
That's right. Jeff nailed the ole coffin shut! I finally tricked him into thinking I'm pleasant enough to be around for a lifetime! MUahahahahahahahahah!!!!
I honestly don't know how I got so lucky as to have him select me as a mate. It must have been my disarmingly good looks. Or maybe this ginormous pimple that has erupted by the corner of my mouth due to the stress of planning a wedding. That's probably it. The pimple is what did him in. Stick with me, single gals, I'll have you married off in no time!
I'm hoping that going forward, this doesn't turn into a complete wedding blog. I'm sure it will though, since most of my mind is wrapped around stupid details like "candle or flower centerpieces," "black or plum bridesmaids dresses," and "how much alcohol can I actually drink before the ceremony without falling over during my walk down the aisle." So, I apologize in advance for my lack of varying blog topics, but damnit, I'm getting married, and I want the entire universe to know about it!
So, there you have it. I'm sorry this post is so short, but I really can't think of much else to say. ..
OH! I guess I can tell you a bit about how Jeff proposed and got this whole ball rolling in the first place. He went to Freeport to ask my father for permission to marry me (such a gentleman!) and when my dad asked when he was going to pop the question, Jeff said, "I guess today." (Such a planner.)
Anyway, he had to call my work and have them tell me to stay a little longer, because Jeff wanted to propose up here (in Houston). So, he hauled ass (like, 80-85mph, which, trust me, Jeff NEVER does--my head typically dangles over the precipice of explosion when he drives because he barely even goes the speed limit) to hurry up and try to make it before I left work, and got there in pretty record time.
He pulled up to the drive thru at the bank and said hello. This isn't an entirely unusual thing, he stops by to bring me coffee every now and then or just to say what's up, so I wasn't really thrown off guard by the fact that he was there. Even when he asked if he could send me something through the drive-thru tube, I didn't really catch on that something was amiss.
So, when I went to get the tube, I looked down and saw a glimmer of something round and golden. I immediately looked away, fearing the worst (worst = Jeff molding a piece of aluminum foil into the shape of a ring and spray-painting it gold JUST to mess with me. Yes, he would do that. He's evil), and walked back over to the speaker and said, ever so eloquently, "Uh." He asked if I could meet him outside, and I said "sure" and took the tube (without looking down into it again, mind you) outside.
When I met him in the parking lot, he took the tube from me, got the ring out, and got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. :) I said yes, of course (at least, I think that's what I said, it's really just a big blur now!), and cried and hugged him and turned about as red as a lobster. When I get overly emotional, I tend to turn beet red and have no way of changing that.
Thankfully, the ring was real, not foil*, and off we drove into the sunset (or to Big Woodrow's, same thing) to have a celebratory beer at the place where we first reunited. It was glorious and I honestly don't think I've ever been happier than I was that afternoon. We heard from some many different people who called to congratulate us, and the outpouring of love was definitely an added bonus to the whole day. Without a doubt, it was a day I will never forget.
So that's the proposal story. Looking back, I honestly could've killed Jeff for sending the ring clattering throught the drive-thru tube. It could've been sucked into oblivion or some other universe! And trust me, with his luck, that could've very easily have happened to Jeff.
*I would have gladly accepted an aluminum foil ring, and told Jeff as much. He could've proposed with duct tape and I would've said yes. :)
I honestly don't know how I got so lucky as to have him select me as a mate. It must have been my disarmingly good looks. Or maybe this ginormous pimple that has erupted by the corner of my mouth due to the stress of planning a wedding. That's probably it. The pimple is what did him in. Stick with me, single gals, I'll have you married off in no time!
I'm hoping that going forward, this doesn't turn into a complete wedding blog. I'm sure it will though, since most of my mind is wrapped around stupid details like "candle or flower centerpieces," "black or plum bridesmaids dresses," and "how much alcohol can I actually drink before the ceremony without falling over during my walk down the aisle." So, I apologize in advance for my lack of varying blog topics, but damnit, I'm getting married, and I want the entire universe to know about it!
So, there you have it. I'm sorry this post is so short, but I really can't think of much else to say. ..
OH! I guess I can tell you a bit about how Jeff proposed and got this whole ball rolling in the first place. He went to Freeport to ask my father for permission to marry me (such a gentleman!) and when my dad asked when he was going to pop the question, Jeff said, "I guess today." (Such a planner.)
Anyway, he had to call my work and have them tell me to stay a little longer, because Jeff wanted to propose up here (in Houston). So, he hauled ass (like, 80-85mph, which, trust me, Jeff NEVER does--my head typically dangles over the precipice of explosion when he drives because he barely even goes the speed limit) to hurry up and try to make it before I left work, and got there in pretty record time.
He pulled up to the drive thru at the bank and said hello. This isn't an entirely unusual thing, he stops by to bring me coffee every now and then or just to say what's up, so I wasn't really thrown off guard by the fact that he was there. Even when he asked if he could send me something through the drive-thru tube, I didn't really catch on that something was amiss.
So, when I went to get the tube, I looked down and saw a glimmer of something round and golden. I immediately looked away, fearing the worst (worst = Jeff molding a piece of aluminum foil into the shape of a ring and spray-painting it gold JUST to mess with me. Yes, he would do that. He's evil), and walked back over to the speaker and said, ever so eloquently, "Uh." He asked if I could meet him outside, and I said "sure" and took the tube (without looking down into it again, mind you) outside.
When I met him in the parking lot, he took the tube from me, got the ring out, and got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. :) I said yes, of course (at least, I think that's what I said, it's really just a big blur now!), and cried and hugged him and turned about as red as a lobster. When I get overly emotional, I tend to turn beet red and have no way of changing that.
Thankfully, the ring was real, not foil*, and off we drove into the sunset (or to Big Woodrow's, same thing) to have a celebratory beer at the place where we first reunited. It was glorious and I honestly don't think I've ever been happier than I was that afternoon. We heard from some many different people who called to congratulate us, and the outpouring of love was definitely an added bonus to the whole day. Without a doubt, it was a day I will never forget.
So that's the proposal story. Looking back, I honestly could've killed Jeff for sending the ring clattering throught the drive-thru tube. It could've been sucked into oblivion or some other universe! And trust me, with his luck, that could've very easily have happened to Jeff.
*I would have gladly accepted an aluminum foil ring, and told Jeff as much. He could've proposed with duct tape and I would've said yes. :)
A few things about Jeff and me
1. We've known one another since we were 3 years old.
2. We went to high school together and he was in band.
3. He was Homecoming king our Senior year. Nerd.
4. We both lived in College Station at the same time, but never ran into one another.
5. The first time I ever really hung out with him was at Big Woodrow's in May 2007.
6. I had just gotten out of a long relationship and didn't want to date anyone.
7. Jeff is very persistent.
8. He's also very honest and genuine.
9. After letting me know that he liked me and thought that we'd be great together, I told him I still didn't want to date anyone and that I just needed some time.
10. He told me he'd give me as long as it took.
11. The next week we went out on our first date.
12. He took me fishing.
13. We didn't catch a thing, but I had a great time because he made me laugh the whole day.
14. Jeff's hilarious. Seriously. We immediately had a very quirky bond that grew from quoting Lord of the Rings and drunkenly singing Johnny Cash at the top of our lungs.
15. He first kissed me in his truck, parked in front of my friend's house.
16. He told me he'd never sell that truck because that's where we had our 1st kiss, and that he never wants to be rid of it.
17. Every time he kisses me, my mind goes blank. Still. Even to this day.
18. He has wonderful, rough, manly hands.
19. He told me he loved me for the first time standing in my driveway. I remember exactly where I was standing.
20. He can laugh and poke fun at me without hurting my feelings.
21. I can do the same to him.
22. He has short arms. Like a T-Rex, and I often make fun of him for it.
23. He's very awkward around babies.
24. He plays guitar and it makes me smile.
25. We have so many inside jokes it's ridiculous.
26. We nearly have our own secret language full of stupid words like, "Zee."
27. He tolerates my whining.
More later.
2. We went to high school together and he was in band.
3. He was Homecoming king our Senior year. Nerd.
4. We both lived in College Station at the same time, but never ran into one another.
5. The first time I ever really hung out with him was at Big Woodrow's in May 2007.
6. I had just gotten out of a long relationship and didn't want to date anyone.
7. Jeff is very persistent.
8. He's also very honest and genuine.
9. After letting me know that he liked me and thought that we'd be great together, I told him I still didn't want to date anyone and that I just needed some time.
10. He told me he'd give me as long as it took.
11. The next week we went out on our first date.
12. He took me fishing.
13. We didn't catch a thing, but I had a great time because he made me laugh the whole day.
14. Jeff's hilarious. Seriously. We immediately had a very quirky bond that grew from quoting Lord of the Rings and drunkenly singing Johnny Cash at the top of our lungs.
15. He first kissed me in his truck, parked in front of my friend's house.
16. He told me he'd never sell that truck because that's where we had our 1st kiss, and that he never wants to be rid of it.
17. Every time he kisses me, my mind goes blank. Still. Even to this day.
18. He has wonderful, rough, manly hands.
19. He told me he loved me for the first time standing in my driveway. I remember exactly where I was standing.
20. He can laugh and poke fun at me without hurting my feelings.
21. I can do the same to him.
22. He has short arms. Like a T-Rex, and I often make fun of him for it.
23. He's very awkward around babies.
24. He plays guitar and it makes me smile.
25. We have so many inside jokes it's ridiculous.
26. We nearly have our own secret language full of stupid words like, "Zee."
27. He tolerates my whining.
More later.
Things I Love
Here's a very long list, in no particular order of things and people and stuff that I love:
Juicy peaches
Star Wars
Lord of the Rings
Quoting Lord of the Rings with Jeff
Sunny, warm days
Driving with the windows down
Laughing
Cheese
Rare, tender steak
German potatoes
Crawfish
Crawfish boils on Saturday afternoons
Harry Potter
Bic 537R blue pens
Planners
My engagement ring
Jeff
My Mom
Pat
My family
My soon-to-be-family
Salsa
Chips
The Grilled Chicken Salad with creamy parmesan dressing from Cafe Express
The Judds
Pam Tillis
Lady Gaga
Knee high boots over jeans
High heels
My Jessica Simpson cowboy boots
Warm pretzels with melted cheese from the mall
Sbarro spagghetti
Cupcakes
Baking
Cleaning
Falling asleep
Taking pictures
Flowers
Lucy
Lucy's kisses
Fishing
the smell of salt-water
Ninny
Lost
The Sookie Stackhouse novels and True Blood
Lauren Garcia
Helen Merritt
Rachel Brothers
Tina's stuffed mushrooms
Tina
Books that make me cry
Wedding magazines
Wedding dresses
Wedding planning
Pretty lighting
Sunset
Childhood memories of Schlitterbahn
Two stepping
Good, live country music
Jeff's freckles
Jeff's red hair
Zeee
Fluffy white towels
Floating the river
Warm water out of the hose during summer
Watermelon
BBQ ribs
My Mac
Home grown pickles
Playing washers at the beach on a cloudless day
Beer
Wine
Clementines
Grapefruit
Sleeping in
Camp
Lever 2000 body wash
Fall colors
Easter weekend
Theme parties
The Beatles
Jeff, David and Andrew playing guitar
Noah
Dogs
Linus in Hats
Jeff's cocoon
Snow
Cow
Baby tigers
Watching big storms roll in
My Best Friend's Wedding
Space Balls
Friend's weddings
Sex and the City
Texas
America
History
School
Learning
Discussing literature
Stretchy pants
Socks
Reef flippy floppies
Riding in a boat
Swimming
Laying on a float in a pool
Kayaking
Williams-Sonoma
Shopping for kitchenware
Surprises
Fresh, crisp paper
The smell of freshly cut grass
Picnics
Lauging so hard I cry
Dancing
Decorating my apartment
Discussing Lost theories
Swirl
Starbucks Lemon Pound Cake
Starbacks skinny vanilla lattes
Cheese enchiladas
Vacations
Ireland
Amsterdam
Jogging at Memorial Park on a sunny day
Calling in "sick" to work
Paid sick leave
The smell of Origins in the Galleria
Shipley's donuts and jalepeno sausage and cheese kolaches
Saurkraut
Legal pads
Foot rubs
My Mom's head rubs
Falling asleep on the couch
Reading on the patio
Opening the windows
The smell of clean cotton
Writing
Sititng in the driveway with family and neighbors
Soft sheets
Kissing
Up
A Christmas Story
Ralphie
Men with rough hands
Clay Walker
Eric Northman
Vampire Bill
Christian Bale
Batman
Judging red carpet fashion
Snuggling with Lucy
Puppies
Swinging on a tire swing
Jumping on trampolines
Austin City Limits
Working outside in the dirt
Climbing trees
Laying by the pool, drinking mojitos
Getting letters in the mail
Little kids
New haircuts
Baseball caps
Going to Astro's games and sitting in the nosebleeds, eating hotdogs and drinking overpriced beer
Eating lunch with my mother
Pub grub
Buffalo wings
Pizza with lots of marinara
Blazin' Noodles at Pei Wei
Target
Ninny's homemade bread
And turkey
And dressing
And gravy
Gumbo
Mix CDs
Massages
Candles that smell like clean linens
Puns
Warm rolls
Dewberry pie
Rope swings
Painting
Falling asleep in hammocks
Lake LBJ
Brooches
Pay day
Pineapple banana orange smoothies from Central Market
Chick-fil-A
The Pioneer Woman
The Office
hulu
Sun dresses
Retro swimsuits
Kiwis
Ham and cheese sammiches
...and so much more...
I really enjoy thinking about things that I love. It makes me thankful for all that I have and have to look forward to. Like getting married. And Karen's baby. And lots and lots of other really wonderful things.
Juicy peaches
Star Wars
Lord of the Rings
Quoting Lord of the Rings with Jeff
Sunny, warm days
Driving with the windows down
Laughing
Cheese
Rare, tender steak
German potatoes
Crawfish
Crawfish boils on Saturday afternoons
Harry Potter
Bic 537R blue pens
Planners
My engagement ring
Jeff
My Mom
Pat
My family
My soon-to-be-family
Salsa
Chips
The Grilled Chicken Salad with creamy parmesan dressing from Cafe Express
The Judds
Pam Tillis
Lady Gaga
Knee high boots over jeans
High heels
My Jessica Simpson cowboy boots
Warm pretzels with melted cheese from the mall
Sbarro spagghetti
Cupcakes
Baking
Cleaning
Falling asleep
Taking pictures
Flowers
Lucy
Lucy's kisses
Fishing
the smell of salt-water
Ninny
Lost
The Sookie Stackhouse novels and True Blood
Lauren Garcia
Helen Merritt
Rachel Brothers
Tina's stuffed mushrooms
Tina
Books that make me cry
Wedding magazines
Wedding dresses
Wedding planning
Pretty lighting
Sunset
Childhood memories of Schlitterbahn
Two stepping
Good, live country music
Jeff's freckles
Jeff's red hair
Zeee
Fluffy white towels
Floating the river
Warm water out of the hose during summer
Watermelon
BBQ ribs
My Mac
Home grown pickles
Playing washers at the beach on a cloudless day
Beer
Wine
Clementines
Grapefruit
Sleeping in
Camp
Lever 2000 body wash
Fall colors
Easter weekend
Theme parties
The Beatles
Jeff, David and Andrew playing guitar
Noah
Dogs
Linus in Hats
Jeff's cocoon
Snow
Cow
Baby tigers
Watching big storms roll in
My Best Friend's Wedding
Space Balls
Friend's weddings
Sex and the City
Texas
America
History
School
Learning
Discussing literature
Stretchy pants
Socks
Reef flippy floppies
Riding in a boat
Swimming
Laying on a float in a pool
Kayaking
Williams-Sonoma
Shopping for kitchenware
Surprises
Fresh, crisp paper
The smell of freshly cut grass
Picnics
Lauging so hard I cry
Dancing
Decorating my apartment
Discussing Lost theories
Swirl
Starbucks Lemon Pound Cake
Starbacks skinny vanilla lattes
Cheese enchiladas
Vacations
Ireland
Amsterdam
Jogging at Memorial Park on a sunny day
Calling in "sick" to work
Paid sick leave
The smell of Origins in the Galleria
Shipley's donuts and jalepeno sausage and cheese kolaches
Saurkraut
Legal pads
Foot rubs
My Mom's head rubs
Falling asleep on the couch
Reading on the patio
Opening the windows
The smell of clean cotton
Writing
Sititng in the driveway with family and neighbors
Soft sheets
Kissing
Up
A Christmas Story
Ralphie
Men with rough hands
Clay Walker
Eric Northman
Vampire Bill
Christian Bale
Batman
Judging red carpet fashion
Snuggling with Lucy
Puppies
Swinging on a tire swing
Jumping on trampolines
Austin City Limits
Working outside in the dirt
Climbing trees
Laying by the pool, drinking mojitos
Getting letters in the mail
Little kids
New haircuts
Baseball caps
Going to Astro's games and sitting in the nosebleeds, eating hotdogs and drinking overpriced beer
Eating lunch with my mother
Pub grub
Buffalo wings
Pizza with lots of marinara
Blazin' Noodles at Pei Wei
Target
Ninny's homemade bread
And turkey
And dressing
And gravy
Gumbo
Mix CDs
Massages
Candles that smell like clean linens
Puns
Warm rolls
Dewberry pie
Rope swings
Painting
Falling asleep in hammocks
Lake LBJ
Brooches
Pay day
Pineapple banana orange smoothies from Central Market
Chick-fil-A
The Pioneer Woman
The Office
hulu
Sun dresses
Retro swimsuits
Kiwis
Ham and cheese sammiches
...and so much more...
I really enjoy thinking about things that I love. It makes me thankful for all that I have and have to look forward to. Like getting married. And Karen's baby. And lots and lots of other really wonderful things.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Heidi Montag
Current headlines are focusing on the elective cosmetic surgery that 23-year old Heidi Montag has recently undergone. After having both rhinoplasty and a breast augmentation three years ago, Heidi again went under the knife to have another 10 procedures done. Seventy percent of these were above the clavicle. The ten procedures included:
I find this to be on the more unfortunate end of the spectrum. Obviously, it is absolutely her choice to have the surgery. She's an adult, she can afford it, and we luckily live in a country to allow us to do what we deem necessary for our own bodies. I will never think less of a woman who opts to go under the knife so that she can continue her life in a more secure way. I've seen firsthand what a great thing plastic surgery can be for not only women (and men) who just want a little belly fat removed, but for a breast cancer survivor who opts to have the breasts that have been removed replaced with saline so they can have sexual confidence. Hell, even for women who were just never able to get any bigger than that A-cup! For years I've considered having a nose job! I've always wondered what I'd look like without the massive witch-hump that I've had my entire life (thank you, paternal grandmother). Have I acted on that curiosity? No. Will I ever? I don't know. Not in the near future. But when and if I do, it will be a decision that I only I can make.
1) Mini brow lift
2) Botox injections in forehead and frown areas
3) Nose job revision
4) Fat injections in her cheeks
5) Chin reduction
6) Neck liposuction
7) Ears pinned back
8) Breast augmentation revision
9) Liposuction on waist, hips, and thighs
10) Buttock augmentation
Heidi, circa 2005, sans plastic surgery
Heidi, circa 2006, post breast and nose job
The surgery took nearly 10 hours, four more hours than what is recommended for elective cosmetic surgery. The procedure has illicited a wide variety of comments, both positive and negative. Obviously, it depends on what each person finds aesthetically pleasing, whether you will find her more attractive or less. But the dominant reaction has been "Why?" Why would a beautiful, healthy, seemingly happy young woman feel the need to alter her appearance in such a drastic and scandalous way? Many have taken the cynical, cruel route and demonized Heidi for sending the message to young girls that plastic surgery is the answer to physical insecurities. Some have stated that it's sad that Heidi felt the need to do this:
I find this to be on the more unfortunate end of the spectrum. Obviously, it is absolutely her choice to have the surgery. She's an adult, she can afford it, and we luckily live in a country to allow us to do what we deem necessary for our own bodies. I will never think less of a woman who opts to go under the knife so that she can continue her life in a more secure way. I've seen firsthand what a great thing plastic surgery can be for not only women (and men) who just want a little belly fat removed, but for a breast cancer survivor who opts to have the breasts that have been removed replaced with saline so they can have sexual confidence. Hell, even for women who were just never able to get any bigger than that A-cup! For years I've considered having a nose job! I've always wondered what I'd look like without the massive witch-hump that I've had my entire life (thank you, paternal grandmother). Have I acted on that curiosity? No. Will I ever? I don't know. Not in the near future. But when and if I do, it will be a decision that I only I can make.All of that being said, I do think Heidi's case is quite sad. She's never been America's Sweetheart, in fact, she's quite the opposite. Gossip blog sites have banned writing about her and her husband, and they've done damn near everything possible to garner media attention in any way imaginable. It's pretty safe to say that they are two of the least liked people in Hollywood today. They're famous for simply being famous and for being on an incredibly superficial "reality" TV show on MTV, called "The Hills, " which follows the lives of young girls and guys who come from incredibly wealthy families living in Southern California. Heidi and her now-husband, Spencer Pratt basically used every outing to be photographed by the papparazzi and pose in the most ridiculous and inane situations imaginable. Needless to say, they annoyed the crap out of everyone, and turned the world against them.
As I was saying, Heidi's case is a little unfortunate. Is she doing this for publicity? Does she truly feel better about herself now? Is she completely batshit crazy? Where's her mother? While I can defend plastic surgery when done for the right reasons, I have an incredibly hard time justifying this amount. Everyone has something about themselves they'd like to tweak or change a bit, but to completely alter the way you look?
It seems as though there are several underlying issues for Heidi. She's in a high-profile industry (but that's self-inflicted--you can stop being a reality tv star quite quickly), she's in the media spotlight and subjected to catty gossip bloggers' judgemental comments on her apperance, etc., but when the day is done, she's the one who decided to do this. You can have people call you unattractive, but it takes self-confidence and a humble heart to be happy with yourself. I'm not trying to say that getting cosmetic surgery means you aren't confident, but there has to be a sane, confident base there to begin with. You have to be ok with who you are inside before you start messing with what you consider to be unattractive on the outside. I'm worried that Heidi's decision isn't coming from a desire to feel right in her own skin, but from a deep insecurity with herself as a person, and no amount of plastic surgery can change who you are.
It's similar to putting make-up over a tattoo; it may hide it for a while, but the tattoo is still there and you have to take that make-up off when you go to sleep at night. Heidi may feel more beautiful, but whenever she washes her face and lays down to go to bed, she still has to come to terms with what she's made of her life and who she really is. You can't hide from yourself and your conscience, and no boob or nose job can make you a good person.
I truly hope, for Heidi's sake, that she had this surgery for the right reasons. I hope she doesn't wake up at 30 and wonder what the hell she did to herself. I hope she starts to work on herself as a person, digging deep to discover what she truly wants out of life, what makes her happy, and has the courage to make the changes to become content. I wish the best for her, and pray that she has the will to maybe get out of the spotlight for a while (or forever) and start doing what makes her whole and happy.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
2010
Well, well, Time, you've made a fool of me once again. You're back to taunt me with all the things I didn't do, all the things I did badly, and all the mistakes I've made over this past year.
Let's be honest: 2009 wasn't a good year for most. It sure as hell was tough, if not brutal. The economy was (is) miserable, there were more homeless people holding up signs on my way home from work, ugly political battles were strewn across the tv screen and newspapers... Le sigh.
Personally, 2009 was a year of enormous lessons. I did a lot of learning and growing up. I recognized the fact that even if I don't want to, I have to be responsible for myself, which, actually wasn't that bad. It's nice being self-sufficient. Terrifying, but comforting all the same.
I was laid-off in 2009. I had to move away from things and people that I love dearly (my boyfriend, his sister and brother-in-law, Cameron peeps, snow, Hill House, skiing, etc.) to make sure I could afford to pay rent on a house in which I no longer lived. My dream of living in a new state crumbled pretty quickly around my feet. It seemed like just as soon as I had gotten comfortable in Colorado, I had to come back to Texas. Not only move back, but move back into my parent's house. There are few things more humbling that having to move back in with your parents. There's nothing wrong with my parents, in fact, they're fantastic, understanding, loving, and fun to be around. It's just that I thought I was done with that. I moved over 1,000 miles away, found a job, and had a life! Then the pretty rug was snatched right out from under me. Back into my old room, I went. And it wasn't even really my old room! My little brother claimed my room the second I moved out! So, I got to move into his smaller, unfamiliar bedroom. Ick!
But that was ok. I rationalized it by telling myself that it wasn't my fault. I was laid off. It was the economy's fault. It wasn't as though I was incomptetent or lazy. I did my job well, and had a boss that hated to see me go. Knowing that it wasn't through any fault of my own, I was able to justify moving back home.
Then came "The Revelation." Those who are closest to me know what this involved and know what a toll it took on my mental state, sanity, and heart. To put it as mildly as possible, I lied to my family about something so important, that I was sure I would be shunned and banished and beaten and chased with burning sticks. I should have been. It's what I deserved. But I wasn't. I was afforded the greatest lesson I may have ever learned: forgiveness. To say I have a loving, understanding and compassionate family is the most horrendous understatement ever uttered. Suffice it to say that my confession was one of the most difficult moments of my life, and I am genuinely humbled to have people in my life who love me as much as they do. That ordeal was not only the most impacting of 2009, but perhaps my life. It was definitely a pivotal moment for my morality, thought processes, and actions. I liken it to a movie: the main character lies, go through hell and high water to be redeemed, but doesn't want to suffer the consequences, and finally, in the end, makes the right decision and puts the audiences mind at ease. Coming Spring 2011. Just kidding. :)
Oh, 2009, you cruel mistress. How dare you make me face adversity, honesty, and trials! Don't you know I'd much prefer to have no troubles in life? Gosh! 2010, you better treat me well.
Hell, 2010 is already treating me well. I had a very calm, quite New Year celebration with Lucy at my apartment. Just what I wanted. I began working out and eating right. I even cleaned out all of the craptastic food from my fridge and pantry. Yeah. Watch out! I have a budget that is realistic and that I'm able to stick with, and I'll be out of debt (ALL debt) by June of this year, if things go as planned (which they never do, but hey). I have an amazingly solid group of friends who I love and cherish. They provide me with advice, humor, sarcasm, shoulders to cry on, and most importantly, happiness. My family remains an omnipresent force of good. Dean will be graduating from high school in May. I am so proud. There will be a new member of the Bauml clan this year, because Jeff's sister is expecting!!! There aren't enough words (and not nearly enough happy ones) to describe how thrilled I am about this development. Karen will be a beautiful little pregnant woman and an absolutely fantastic mother. Ryan will be an amazing, loving, fun father. They just need to hurry up and move back to TEXAS so that I can pester Karen every second of every day.
There is so much to look forward to this year. I hope that I don't get bogged down in trivial crap this year. I hope I learn new things and become more open-minded. I hope I stand up for myself and my loved ones. I hope to make the world a better place, even if it's in some small way.
I have plenty of resolutions to attempt to follow this year, but they can be summed up in one quick sentence: Become a happier, healthier, more responsible, honorable, loving, and compassionate person. I don't think you can really go wrong with that, right? :)
P.S. More (trivial) things to look forward to this year: The final season of LOST, the rest of the 1st season of Glee, the 3rd season of True Blood, the new Sookie Stackhouse novel, the Universal Studios Harry Potter theme park opening, and the first instalment of the 7th Harry Potter movie!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY!!!!
Let's be honest: 2009 wasn't a good year for most. It sure as hell was tough, if not brutal. The economy was (is) miserable, there were more homeless people holding up signs on my way home from work, ugly political battles were strewn across the tv screen and newspapers... Le sigh.
Personally, 2009 was a year of enormous lessons. I did a lot of learning and growing up. I recognized the fact that even if I don't want to, I have to be responsible for myself, which, actually wasn't that bad. It's nice being self-sufficient. Terrifying, but comforting all the same.
I was laid-off in 2009. I had to move away from things and people that I love dearly (my boyfriend, his sister and brother-in-law, Cameron peeps, snow, Hill House, skiing, etc.) to make sure I could afford to pay rent on a house in which I no longer lived. My dream of living in a new state crumbled pretty quickly around my feet. It seemed like just as soon as I had gotten comfortable in Colorado, I had to come back to Texas. Not only move back, but move back into my parent's house. There are few things more humbling that having to move back in with your parents. There's nothing wrong with my parents, in fact, they're fantastic, understanding, loving, and fun to be around. It's just that I thought I was done with that. I moved over 1,000 miles away, found a job, and had a life! Then the pretty rug was snatched right out from under me. Back into my old room, I went. And it wasn't even really my old room! My little brother claimed my room the second I moved out! So, I got to move into his smaller, unfamiliar bedroom. Ick!
But that was ok. I rationalized it by telling myself that it wasn't my fault. I was laid off. It was the economy's fault. It wasn't as though I was incomptetent or lazy. I did my job well, and had a boss that hated to see me go. Knowing that it wasn't through any fault of my own, I was able to justify moving back home.
Then came "The Revelation." Those who are closest to me know what this involved and know what a toll it took on my mental state, sanity, and heart. To put it as mildly as possible, I lied to my family about something so important, that I was sure I would be shunned and banished and beaten and chased with burning sticks. I should have been. It's what I deserved. But I wasn't. I was afforded the greatest lesson I may have ever learned: forgiveness. To say I have a loving, understanding and compassionate family is the most horrendous understatement ever uttered. Suffice it to say that my confession was one of the most difficult moments of my life, and I am genuinely humbled to have people in my life who love me as much as they do. That ordeal was not only the most impacting of 2009, but perhaps my life. It was definitely a pivotal moment for my morality, thought processes, and actions. I liken it to a movie: the main character lies, go through hell and high water to be redeemed, but doesn't want to suffer the consequences, and finally, in the end, makes the right decision and puts the audiences mind at ease. Coming Spring 2011. Just kidding. :)
Oh, 2009, you cruel mistress. How dare you make me face adversity, honesty, and trials! Don't you know I'd much prefer to have no troubles in life? Gosh! 2010, you better treat me well.
Hell, 2010 is already treating me well. I had a very calm, quite New Year celebration with Lucy at my apartment. Just what I wanted. I began working out and eating right. I even cleaned out all of the craptastic food from my fridge and pantry. Yeah. Watch out! I have a budget that is realistic and that I'm able to stick with, and I'll be out of debt (ALL debt) by June of this year, if things go as planned (which they never do, but hey). I have an amazingly solid group of friends who I love and cherish. They provide me with advice, humor, sarcasm, shoulders to cry on, and most importantly, happiness. My family remains an omnipresent force of good. Dean will be graduating from high school in May. I am so proud. There will be a new member of the Bauml clan this year, because Jeff's sister is expecting!!! There aren't enough words (and not nearly enough happy ones) to describe how thrilled I am about this development. Karen will be a beautiful little pregnant woman and an absolutely fantastic mother. Ryan will be an amazing, loving, fun father. They just need to hurry up and move back to TEXAS so that I can pester Karen every second of every day.
There is so much to look forward to this year. I hope that I don't get bogged down in trivial crap this year. I hope I learn new things and become more open-minded. I hope I stand up for myself and my loved ones. I hope to make the world a better place, even if it's in some small way.
I have plenty of resolutions to attempt to follow this year, but they can be summed up in one quick sentence: Become a happier, healthier, more responsible, honorable, loving, and compassionate person. I don't think you can really go wrong with that, right? :)
P.S. More (trivial) things to look forward to this year: The final season of LOST, the rest of the 1st season of Glee, the 3rd season of True Blood, the new Sookie Stackhouse novel, the Universal Studios Harry Potter theme park opening, and the first instalment of the 7th Harry Potter movie!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY!!!!
Monday, December 28, 2009
I'm getting old
It's true. When my Mother e-mailed to discover what I so desperately wanted for Christmas this year, I responded with "well, I don't really want anything, but I do need some mixing bowls and a muffin pan." Mixing bowls and a muffin pan. Is this what I've become? I also requested measuring cups/spoons, a potatoe masher, a pizza slicer, a can opener, chopping knives, cookie cutters, a rolling pin, a spoon rest, a ladle, etc. I asked for a rolling pin. I'm in my mid-twenties! I am young, hip, and cool! I live in the thriving metropolis of Houston, Texas! I can literally walk to the Galleria and to numerous trendy, expensive bars and restaurants! You'd think I need sexy heels (which I do), flashy jewelry, short skirts and shiny, low-cut tops!
Nah. I just need a rolling pin.
I asked for this for a reason. I'm not just a freak. I was baking cookies the other night, and I wanted to use my brand-new cookie cutters that my mother so kindly bought me. Making cut-out cookies involves rolling the dough onto the counter in order to create a flat pallet off of which you can cut out your cookies. In order to do this, I needed a rolling pin. Well, seeing as I didn't have one, I used the next best thing: a wine bottle. After covering said wine bottle in flour, I proceeded to roll the dough out onto the counter. Needless to say, I was incredibly unsuccessful. Dough got everywhere, particularly the places it shouldn't have been, specifically, my mouth. :( It was a mess. I was a mess. AND I had to throw away the wine bottle because I was too lazy to wash it off and place it back on top of my cabinets, which is where my wine bottle graveyard is located. I guess I'll just have to drink another bottle of wine. Too bad.
Moving on, the whole point of this entry was to explain how lame I now am. Hopefully, I have successfully conveyed that message to you. If not, let me elaborate. I could easily be talked into not doing anything fun on New Year's Eve this year. Yeah. What the hell? For some reason, sitting at home, drinking Irish coffees and watching movies seems like the most fantastic idea in the world to me. This isn't to say that I don't have incredibly fun options: I could drive to either Austin or Dallas to attend fabulous house parties at good friend's houses. I could also hop on down to San Marcos to spend time with my amazing sister and niece, which I may do, just not on New Year's. I, too, could go home and party it up with some old high school peeps. OR I could stay in Houston and go with college friends to a pub, dress to the nines, party my ass off, and stay at a super-nice hotel. But all of these options involve money, driving somewhere, and me showering. Sitting on my ass at home, eating chicken pot pie does not, however, involve me bathing. Or even having to resemble a respectable human being. This option seems just glorious, and that, my friends, makes me old. And somewhat anti-social, but I can live with that.
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