Twenty Minutes Until Lunch

I hope you enjoy the suspense of wondering whether or not I will keel over and die of hunger before I get to go on my lunch break in 20 minutes. You'll know I've died if a sentence ends abruptly.

Anyhoo. The roads in Houston are





Haha, just kidding. You thought it was all over, didn't you? Not so lucky this time. Moving on, as I was saying, the roads in Houston are horrendous. Considering the intense beatings my care receives on a daily basis, I'm amazed it hasn't fallen apart. I wonder if it's a problem if I am lightheaded after driving to work? Hm. Nah. The bit of road I am currently speaking of is the stretch of San Felipe between 610 and Chimney Rock. If you've been in the area lately, you know what I'm talking about.

New subject. Sometimes I wish I had a job doing manual labor. Nothing too difficult (like swinging a big hammer all day, no thank you), but something like gardening or landscaping. It would be nice to be outside everyday instead of cooped up in a sub-zero office cubicle. That's right, sub-zero. I sit beneath a giant (2 foot x 2 foot) air vent that blasts 54-degree gale force winds directly onto my shivering body. And I have this enormous window that lets me see people jogging down the street, taking a liesurely stroll, or walking their dog in the pleasant sunlight and cool breeze. The sun mocks me as it reflects off the building across from me, making me squint until after 1:00pm. That bastard. I guess I should stop complaining though. I have an air-conditioned room to sit in by myself all day, reading and doing my "budget," or surfin' the net. Yeah, I should probably be a wee bit more grateful for what I have. But I won't lose the dream!!!

Alright, so far, so good, only 10 minutes until lunch! Weeeeee! I'm considering going to the gym this evening. I know I should. If I ever have a shot at forcing Jeff into marital submission, I may have to lose a few pounds to trick him into thinking that if I look semi-decent, I'll look that way forever (not going to happen). I just hate going after work because it's so damned crowded. Also, I don't enjoy the girl that wears a only a sports-bra and stretch-y daisy dukes staring at me as I struggle with the machine she's waiting to use. I don't understand why she has to stand 3-feet away from me and stare. Why? I have 20 more reps, leave me alone. When I'm done, I'll move and then it's all yours! Jeez. Does anyone else have this problem? Also, the starer wears her hair down and is wearing make-up when she works out. I've watched her while I'm on the elliptical machine (this is starting to sound sort of creepy, I know, but she's a freak.) and she will stand in front of the mirror and re-pin her bangs out of her face, then check her mascara. It's sickening, I tell you!!!

Ok, well, I survived till lunch! I'm going to go eat now! Have a good day!

The "Budget"

Recently, I took up "budgeting." I may or may not have had to look it up in the dictionary. Seeing as my "salary" is ramen noodles away from minimum wage, I figured I could probably do with some good money-management practices. Just so you know, I have never, ever, budgeted, aside from putting away money for weekend escapades. Oh, I've always paid my rent on time (except in college when I drank my rent money then made a mad dash to the plasma-donating center to prostitute my fluids for cash), and paid my bills, but beyond that, I pretty much just view the excess cash left in my checking account as a "fun times fund," never tossing back any extra for savings or emergencies. I know, responsible, that's my middle name.

However--I am now bound and determined to get my stuff straight. I may not make a ton of money, but the money I do have needs to stop disappearing faster than a cold front in Texas. So, in that light, I have created a master budget that will allow me to pay off ALL my debt by June (fyi, my debt includes one credit card and a car that's about 75% paid for). Granted, this means that my monthly spending allowance will be around $200 (if that, probably less), I figure come June, I'll have about $500-600 a month back in my pretty little pocket.

But until June, I'm going to be going through withdrawals. Until June I'm going to have to perform the excrutiating task of saying "no" to friends and family who want me to meet them out for a beer (unless they're paying for said beer, in which case, I will gladly accept). The task of not even walking into a Target. The task of not going out to eat Mexican food when I get the inevitable craving for complimentary chips and salsa. The task of buying the store-brand spicy mustard (which is NOT the same!) instead of the delicious super-horseradish-y brand that I usually get. The task of not getting within a 10-mile radius of a bookstore. Maybe I'll have to become one of those people I despise who sit in the bookstore all night reading books but never EVER actually buying them. Ugh. Assholes.

If you are a family member or close friend reading this, I apologize in advance for giving you a crappy Christmas/birthday gift. It will probably be something along the lines of:

a) a card I make with my own hands consisting of a single sheet of notebook paper folded in half with a nice little drawing on the front and a nice little note inside. Thoughtful, no?
b) a cake with 3/4 of the proper ingredients. Yum!
c) a plant or flower I dug up and stole from my apartment complex. Everyone loves getting flowers!!!

So, please accept my apology in advance. When I pay off all my debt, you may or may not get a better gift. (But probably not.)

Wish me luck!!!