2010

Well, well, Time, you've made a fool of me once again. You're back to taunt me with all the things I didn't do, all the things I did badly, and all the mistakes I've made over this past year.

Let's be honest: 2009 wasn't a good year for most. It sure as hell was tough, if not brutal. The economy was (is) miserable, there were more homeless people holding up signs on my way home from work, ugly political battles were strewn across the tv screen and newspapers... Le sigh.

Personally, 2009 was a year of enormous lessons. I did a lot of learning and growing up. I recognized the fact that even if I don't want to, I have to be responsible for myself, which, actually wasn't that bad. It's nice being self-sufficient. Terrifying, but comforting all the same.

I was laid-off in 2009. I had to move away from things and people that I love dearly (my boyfriend, his sister and brother-in-law, Cameron peeps, snow, Hill House, skiing, etc.) to make sure I could afford to pay rent on a house in which I no longer lived. My dream of living in a new state crumbled pretty quickly around my feet. It seemed like just as soon as I had gotten comfortable in Colorado, I had to come back to Texas. Not only move back, but move back into my parent's house. There are few things more humbling that having to move back in with your parents. There's nothing wrong with my parents, in fact, they're fantastic, understanding, loving, and fun to be around. It's just that I thought I was done with that. I moved over 1,000 miles away, found a job, and had a life! Then the pretty rug was snatched right out from under me. Back into my old room, I went. And it wasn't even really my old room! My little brother claimed my room the second I moved out! So, I got to move into his smaller, unfamiliar bedroom. Ick!

But that was ok. I rationalized it by telling myself that it wasn't my fault. I was laid off. It was the economy's fault. It wasn't as though I was incomptetent or lazy. I did my job well, and had a boss that hated to see me go. Knowing that it wasn't through any fault of my own, I was able to justify moving back home.

Then came "The Revelation." Those who are closest to me know what this involved and know what a toll it took on my mental state, sanity, and heart. To put it as mildly as possible, I lied to my family about something so important, that I was sure I would be shunned and banished and beaten and chased with burning sticks. I should have been. It's what I deserved. But I wasn't. I was afforded the greatest lesson I may have ever learned: forgiveness. To say I have a loving, understanding and compassionate family is the most horrendous understatement ever uttered. Suffice it to say that my confession was one of the most difficult moments of my life, and I am genuinely humbled to have people in my life who love me as much as they do. That ordeal was not only the most impacting of 2009, but perhaps my life. It was definitely a pivotal moment for my morality, thought processes, and actions. I liken it to a movie: the main character lies, go through hell and high water to be redeemed, but doesn't want to suffer the consequences, and finally, in the end, makes the right decision and puts the audiences mind at ease. Coming Spring 2011. Just kidding. :)

Oh, 2009, you cruel mistress. How dare you make me face adversity, honesty, and trials! Don't you know I'd much prefer to have no troubles in life? Gosh! 2010, you better treat me well.

Hell, 2010 is already treating me well. I had a very calm, quite New Year celebration with Lucy at my apartment. Just what I wanted. I began working out and eating right. I even cleaned out all of the craptastic food from my fridge and pantry. Yeah. Watch out! I have a budget that is realistic and that I'm able to stick with, and I'll be out of debt (ALL debt) by June of this year, if things go as planned (which they never do, but hey). I have an amazingly solid group of friends who I love and cherish. They provide me with advice, humor, sarcasm, shoulders to cry on, and most importantly, happiness. My family remains an omnipresent force of good. Dean will be graduating from high school in May. I am so proud. There will be a new member of the Bauml clan this year, because Jeff's sister is expecting!!! There aren't enough words (and not nearly enough happy ones) to describe how thrilled I am about this development. Karen will be a beautiful little pregnant woman and an absolutely fantastic mother. Ryan will be an amazing, loving, fun father. They just need to hurry up and move back to TEXAS so that I can pester Karen every second of every day.

There is so much to look forward to this year. I hope that I don't get bogged down in trivial crap this year. I hope I learn new things and become more open-minded. I hope I stand up for myself and my loved ones. I hope to make the world a better place, even if it's in some small way.

I have plenty of resolutions to attempt to follow this year, but they can be summed up in one quick sentence: Become a happier, healthier, more responsible, honorable, loving, and compassionate person. I don't think you can really go wrong with that, right? :)


P.S. More (trivial) things to look forward to this year: The final season of LOST, the rest of the 1st season of Glee, the 3rd season of True Blood, the new Sookie Stackhouse novel, the Universal Studios Harry Potter theme park opening, and the first instalment of the 7th Harry Potter movie!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY!!!!