Heidi Montag

Current headlines are focusing on the elective cosmetic surgery that 23-year old Heidi Montag has recently undergone. After having both rhinoplasty and a breast augmentation three years ago, Heidi again went under the knife to have another 10 procedures done. Seventy percent of these were above the clavicle. The ten procedures included:

1) Mini brow lift

2) Botox injections in forehead and frown areas

3) Nose job revision

4) Fat injections in her cheeks

5) Chin reduction

6) Neck liposuction

7) Ears pinned back

8) Breast augmentation revision

9) Liposuction on waist, hips, and thighs

10) Buttock augmentation

Heidi, circa 2005, sans plastic surgery

Heidi, circa 2006, post breast and nose job

The surgery took nearly 10 hours, four more hours than what is recommended for elective cosmetic surgery. The procedure has illicited a wide variety of comments, both positive and negative. Obviously, it depends on what each person finds aesthetically pleasing, whether you will find her more attractive or less. But the dominant reaction has been "Why?" Why would a beautiful, healthy, seemingly happy young woman feel the need to alter her appearance in such a drastic and scandalous way? Many have taken the cynical, cruel route and demonized Heidi for sending the message to young girls that plastic surgery is the answer to physical insecurities. Some have stated that it's sad that Heidi felt the need to do this:

I find this to be on the more unfortunate end of the spectrum. Obviously, it is absolutely her choice to have the surgery. She's an adult, she can afford it, and we luckily live in a country to allow us to do what we deem necessary for our own bodies. I will never think less of a woman who opts to go under the knife so that she can continue her life in a more secure way. I've seen firsthand what a great thing plastic surgery can be for not only women (and men) who just want a little belly fat removed, but for a breast cancer survivor who opts to have the breasts that have been removed replaced with saline so they can have sexual confidence. Hell, even for women who were just never able to get any bigger than that A-cup! For years I've considered having a nose job! I've always wondered what I'd look like without the massive witch-hump that I've had my entire life (thank you, paternal grandmother). Have I acted on that curiosity? No. Will I ever? I don't know. Not in the near future. But when and if I do, it will be a decision that I only I can make.

All of that being said, I do think Heidi's case is quite sad. She's never been America's Sweetheart, in fact, she's quite the opposite. Gossip blog sites have banned writing about her and her husband, and they've done damn near everything possible to garner media attention in any way imaginable. It's pretty safe to say that they are two of the least liked people in Hollywood today. They're famous for simply being famous and for being on an incredibly superficial "reality" TV show on MTV, called "The Hills, " which follows the lives of young girls and guys who come from incredibly wealthy families living in Southern California. Heidi and her now-husband, Spencer Pratt basically used every outing to be photographed by the papparazzi and pose in the most ridiculous and inane situations imaginable. Needless to say, they annoyed the crap out of everyone, and turned the world against them.

As I was saying, Heidi's case is a little unfortunate. Is she doing this for publicity? Does she truly feel better about herself now? Is she completely batshit crazy? Where's her mother? While I can defend plastic surgery when done for the right reasons, I have an incredibly hard time justifying this amount. Everyone has something about themselves they'd like to tweak or change a bit, but to completely alter the way you look?

It seems as though there are several underlying issues for Heidi. She's in a high-profile industry (but that's self-inflicted--you can stop being a reality tv star quite quickly), she's in the media spotlight and subjected to catty gossip bloggers' judgemental comments on her apperance, etc., but when the day is done, she's the one who decided to do this. You can have people call you unattractive, but it takes self-confidence and a humble heart to be happy with yourself. I'm not trying to say that getting cosmetic surgery means you aren't confident, but there has to be a sane, confident base there to begin with. You have to be ok with who you are inside before you start messing with what you consider to be unattractive on the outside. I'm worried that Heidi's decision isn't coming from a desire to feel right in her own skin, but from a deep insecurity with herself as a person, and no amount of plastic surgery can change who you are.

It's similar to putting make-up over a tattoo; it may hide it for a while, but the tattoo is still there and you have to take that make-up off when you go to sleep at night. Heidi may feel more beautiful, but whenever she washes her face and lays down to go to bed, she still has to come to terms with what she's made of her life and who she really is. You can't hide from yourself and your conscience, and no boob or nose job can make you a good person.

I truly hope, for Heidi's sake, that she had this surgery for the right reasons. I hope she doesn't wake up at 30 and wonder what the hell she did to herself. I hope she starts to work on herself as a person, digging deep to discover what she truly wants out of life, what makes her happy, and has the courage to make the changes to become content. I wish the best for her, and pray that she has the will to maybe get out of the spotlight for a while (or forever) and start doing what makes her whole and happy.

2010

Well, well, Time, you've made a fool of me once again. You're back to taunt me with all the things I didn't do, all the things I did badly, and all the mistakes I've made over this past year.

Let's be honest: 2009 wasn't a good year for most. It sure as hell was tough, if not brutal. The economy was (is) miserable, there were more homeless people holding up signs on my way home from work, ugly political battles were strewn across the tv screen and newspapers... Le sigh.

Personally, 2009 was a year of enormous lessons. I did a lot of learning and growing up. I recognized the fact that even if I don't want to, I have to be responsible for myself, which, actually wasn't that bad. It's nice being self-sufficient. Terrifying, but comforting all the same.

I was laid-off in 2009. I had to move away from things and people that I love dearly (my boyfriend, his sister and brother-in-law, Cameron peeps, snow, Hill House, skiing, etc.) to make sure I could afford to pay rent on a house in which I no longer lived. My dream of living in a new state crumbled pretty quickly around my feet. It seemed like just as soon as I had gotten comfortable in Colorado, I had to come back to Texas. Not only move back, but move back into my parent's house. There are few things more humbling that having to move back in with your parents. There's nothing wrong with my parents, in fact, they're fantastic, understanding, loving, and fun to be around. It's just that I thought I was done with that. I moved over 1,000 miles away, found a job, and had a life! Then the pretty rug was snatched right out from under me. Back into my old room, I went. And it wasn't even really my old room! My little brother claimed my room the second I moved out! So, I got to move into his smaller, unfamiliar bedroom. Ick!

But that was ok. I rationalized it by telling myself that it wasn't my fault. I was laid off. It was the economy's fault. It wasn't as though I was incomptetent or lazy. I did my job well, and had a boss that hated to see me go. Knowing that it wasn't through any fault of my own, I was able to justify moving back home.

Then came "The Revelation." Those who are closest to me know what this involved and know what a toll it took on my mental state, sanity, and heart. To put it as mildly as possible, I lied to my family about something so important, that I was sure I would be shunned and banished and beaten and chased with burning sticks. I should have been. It's what I deserved. But I wasn't. I was afforded the greatest lesson I may have ever learned: forgiveness. To say I have a loving, understanding and compassionate family is the most horrendous understatement ever uttered. Suffice it to say that my confession was one of the most difficult moments of my life, and I am genuinely humbled to have people in my life who love me as much as they do. That ordeal was not only the most impacting of 2009, but perhaps my life. It was definitely a pivotal moment for my morality, thought processes, and actions. I liken it to a movie: the main character lies, go through hell and high water to be redeemed, but doesn't want to suffer the consequences, and finally, in the end, makes the right decision and puts the audiences mind at ease. Coming Spring 2011. Just kidding. :)

Oh, 2009, you cruel mistress. How dare you make me face adversity, honesty, and trials! Don't you know I'd much prefer to have no troubles in life? Gosh! 2010, you better treat me well.

Hell, 2010 is already treating me well. I had a very calm, quite New Year celebration with Lucy at my apartment. Just what I wanted. I began working out and eating right. I even cleaned out all of the craptastic food from my fridge and pantry. Yeah. Watch out! I have a budget that is realistic and that I'm able to stick with, and I'll be out of debt (ALL debt) by June of this year, if things go as planned (which they never do, but hey). I have an amazingly solid group of friends who I love and cherish. They provide me with advice, humor, sarcasm, shoulders to cry on, and most importantly, happiness. My family remains an omnipresent force of good. Dean will be graduating from high school in May. I am so proud. There will be a new member of the Bauml clan this year, because Jeff's sister is expecting!!! There aren't enough words (and not nearly enough happy ones) to describe how thrilled I am about this development. Karen will be a beautiful little pregnant woman and an absolutely fantastic mother. Ryan will be an amazing, loving, fun father. They just need to hurry up and move back to TEXAS so that I can pester Karen every second of every day.

There is so much to look forward to this year. I hope that I don't get bogged down in trivial crap this year. I hope I learn new things and become more open-minded. I hope I stand up for myself and my loved ones. I hope to make the world a better place, even if it's in some small way.

I have plenty of resolutions to attempt to follow this year, but they can be summed up in one quick sentence: Become a happier, healthier, more responsible, honorable, loving, and compassionate person. I don't think you can really go wrong with that, right? :)


P.S. More (trivial) things to look forward to this year: The final season of LOST, the rest of the 1st season of Glee, the 3rd season of True Blood, the new Sookie Stackhouse novel, the Universal Studios Harry Potter theme park opening, and the first instalment of the 7th Harry Potter movie!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY!!!!