Jeff's mean.

As a young girl, I was quite brave. I wanted to go sky-diving, I'd jump off high cliffs, out of tall trees, climb on roofs, etc. I loved to fly in airplanes and I had no fear of heights. I welcomed scary movies and thought "Scream" and "I Know What You Did Last Summer" were mere childsplay. It was a wonderful life, full of hopes and dreams...

...then I watched "The Exorcist."

After seeing Linda Blair's possessed cranium spin around whilst spewing green vomit and hearing the voice of "Satan," I pretty much gave up on being brave. I don't think I gave up so much as had the desire ripped from me (by Satan and Hollywood's portrayal of him). After watching that one film, my life changed, and not for the better. I used to be a little weary of snakes. Their fangs and slithery bodies freaked me out. After watching The Exorcist, though, this fear of snakes escalated to a new level. See, my rationalization was this: if little girls can be possessed by Satan, and in nearly every written account of Satan, he is portrayed as a snake, then surely snakes, by proxy, can possess little girls, surely, this is Satan's means of demonically possessing human beings. Right? Of course. My logic is bulletproof.

From then on, my fear of snakes rose and, to this day, I still have a little voice in the back of my head saying, "not only can snakes bite you, but they can POSSESS YOU and make you do crazy, terrifying shit that will haunt you for the rest of your life." Do you see what watching "The Exorcist" has done to me? DO YOU???

Present day me still has a difficult time watching scary movies. I can handle the stupid "Jeepers Creepers," "The Blob," spooky ghost story type movies. Blobs can't possess me. However, any film that focuses on demonic possession or presences will send me running for the hills (which may or may not have eyes, apparently).

Enter Jeff. In case you aren't aware, a movie was released recently titled "Paranormal Activity." I'd read a little bit about it on the internet; reviews and such that said it was actually a good movie. It's hard to find a well-reviewed horror movie these days. A few days after I'd read about the movie, Jeff brought it up and mentioned that we should go see it (bastard). Seeing as I had read a few good reviews about it, I hesistantly conceded. So. Two nights ago, we went and saw it. From what I had read, it was a story about a couple who had a ghostly presence in their house. "Ok," I thought, "I can handle a fun, spooky ghost story." So, we hopped on down to the theatre and sawed of our left arms to pay for the tickets, since that was the fee, and got some soda and pickles and took our seats. The movie began innocently enough and had a few laughs. It was filmed the same way as "The Blair Witch Project," meaning that they filmed everything themselves so that they could see what seemed to be haunting "Katie." The premise was that, since she was 8 years old, she had been waking up to feel and see this presence in the room with her. It followed her to a new house, to college, etc., and now it was in the house where she was living with "Micah" her boyfriend. Apparently, it was a Katie-specific ghost. So, they call a paranormal researcher, who comes to the house to find out what is haunting Katie, and how to get rid of it.

This is when things went downhill. The paranormal researcher informed Katie and Micah that this "presence" was not, in fact, a ghost, but a demon. Yes. Demon. At this point, I looked at Jeff and said "I can't do this shit. If this thing's a demon, we have to leave." He said "Ok," but laughed at me. From then on out I had my hand over my eyes. After something would happen (like, the "DEMON" would lift up Katie's sheets, or stomp up and down the stairs, or pull her by her leg out of her bed, then drag her down the stairs), I'd make the mistake of asking Jeff "what just happened????" and then he'd tell me, so that I could form a (surely) more terrifying vision of what was happening than what was really occurring on the screen. Never a good idea. I should have never asked, never inquired, but nooooo. I was curious. So, the movie continues, and the demon's voice starts to say Katie's name, at which point I cover not only my eyes, but also my ears so I can't hear that creepy voice that will definitely be haunting my nightmares. I can still hear the bass and the screams of the rest of the audience, but the fact that I don't know what's happening is comforting. I don't see the grand finale, thank GOD, and finally the movie is over. As we're leaving I ask Jeff what happened at the end (stupid, stupid, stupid). He tells me (that asshole, he knew it would scare me) and I form the horrifying mental picture in my mind.

It's been 2 days since the movie. I'm tired at work right now because I CAN'T FALL ASLEEP AT NIGHT. I must have turned the lamp on 17 times last night because I thought I saw a shadow sweep across my bed, or my sheet lift up a fraction of a millimeter. Sunday night I didn't sleep at all. I laid there praying. I did crossword puzzles till 4 am, then read the rest of the 7 chapters of my book until I finally passed out around 5:45 am. I am now 98.9% convinced that I have a demon. A demon snake that's going to slither into my bed and into my mind and make me do weird scary things that will never allow me to be the same. A demon snake that will scratch it's long, gross nails (yes, my demon snake has nails. And he also has a grotesque half snake/half human body that can grab me and bite me and hoarsely whisper my name as I tremble in fear for my life) down the wall beside my bed and tap on my nightstand.

I can't believe Jeff forced me to see this movie. It's all his fault. Now I have a demon and only one arm with which to fight it off.

I'm going to have to work this weekend.

I just know it. DAMNIT. I've never worked a Saturday before, particularly because our head teller wants the overtime and never lets anyone else work the weekends. How that's fair, I have no idea. Well, apparently, she doesn't want to work this coming up weekend because it's a holiday. Yeah. So guess who gets to work? ME!!! Yay! Now, I'm not complaining about working on a Saturday. Really, I'm not. I need the extra money. I'd be glad to split Saturdays with H.T. (head teller) every month. It's only from 9-1, so it's not an excrutiatingly long shift, just enough for an extra 80 bucks or so. But it's a long weekend. My niece is having a housewarming party Friday night and I wanted to celebrate heartily with my family, but nooo. I have to remain sober so I can drive home to get up at 7:30. I never have plans on the weekends, why do I have to work THIS weekend? Hmphf.

Moving on, last night Jeff and I went and had a little drinky and decided that from here on out our Christmas/birthday gifts to eachother were going to be under $20. I think that's a great idea. It makes for so much less stress during the holidays. And seeing as everyone I know will be getting a nice homemade cake or card from me this year, my finances may just stay healthy.
Yay!

Speaking of Christmas, I've been thinking lately about how my cousins and I have pretty much all grown up. It's really strange, but in a good way. I can remember the days when we would hate Greg for finding the buried treasure in Ninny's backyard when it was the "kid's treasure hunt." I can remember Jaime and Jess talking me into climbing up on the roof of the 37 churches that surrounded Ninny's house (ok, like, 2, but it seemed like many more). It's hard to believe that it's been over 10 years since we played like that. Now we're all grown up with jobs and classes and husbands and wives (well, only Jodi and Duane, but still...). Caitlyn just went off to college and that's totally bizarre to me, but at the same time, I know she's where she should be. Jodi has two children, and that in and of itself is mind-boggling, not because she isn't a good mother (she's wonderful), but because she's my cousin and she has two daughters that she takes to school everyday and raises. It's just bizzarre to me. Drew and Tanner are big football stars in middle school! My friend Rachel, who was Drew's teacher last year told me one day about how Drew was writing a note to his girlfriend breaking up with her. Drew has a "girlfriend!" I remember when he was 2 and a half feet tall running around with fishing nets. Insane!!! Seeing where life has taken us all is a very neat thing to watch, and I can't imagine what it must be like for my mother and her brother and sisters. They must feel oooooooooold. :)

A few things that I have learned from my family are...

1) I want a big family as well. While I am terrified to give birth to several children, I do want them to have lots of siblings and a big family when they grow up and start having kids themselves.
2) Psencik blood is thicker than water.
3) It takes strong women to raise strong women.
4) Politics and religion should N.E.V.E.R. be discussed with passionate family members who have varying opinions (and varying levels of intoxication).
5) The drunker we get, the louder we get, and no one will ever be louder than we are.
6) No one eats more dressing than me at Thanksgiving.
7) Jess cheats during the Amazing Race.

Crazy Crime Week

So, it's been a pretty crazy week for the rehashing of old crimes. First, Susan Atkins (the despicable woman who murdered the pregnant Sharon Tate, and others) passed away with brain cancer, after having her appeal to be "compassionately released" due to her illness denied. And now I hear that Roman Polanski was finally arrested in Switzerland, though not on the charges of raping an underage girl. Hm.

Since I don't know all the details of the Polanski case, I'm going to decline to comment aside from this little snippet: If his arrest has anything to do with him finally taking responsibility for raping a 13 year old girl, then I hope he get what he deserves.

Moving on, I do have a few more opinions about Susan Atkins, who brutally murdered a pregnant, innocent, unarmed woman. Here is an extremely brief rundown of what happened. An upper-echelon member of the Manson Family, a cult began and led by Charles Manson, Susan Atkins was 19 when she began listening to the drug-fueled rants of the Family's leader. After being told to go with fellow members to the home of Roman Polanski and Susan Tate, she and her accomplices violently murdered every person in the house (a total of four). Eventually, she and her accomplices were caught and put on trial. At this trial, she taunted the courtroom audience by saying "You best lock your doors and watch your own kids..." She and the others were found guilty and sentenced to (death originally, but California removed the death penalty a few years later) life in prison. Over the course of her incarceration, she had nearly 11 parole hearings, at each of which, she was denied parole. During her nearly 40 years in prison, Susan found the Lord and began teaching Sunday School classes for other inmates. Upon being diagnosed with a brain tumor, she requested a "compassionate release" from prison so that she could spend her remaining days with her family (a request which was ultimately denied). Susan died on Sep. 24th, still in prison.

Ok. That wasn't as brief as I expected, but I tried. Anyway, this woman was a monster. I'm glad that she found solace in the Lord and spent some of her time in prison gathering others to do the same, but it was too little, too late. She murdered a pregnant woman. Seriously. And felt no remorse after doing so. She's lucky she lived a long, healthy life (getting married twice while in prison), receiving conjugal visits, 3 square meals a day, not working. That's more than Sharon Tate can say. I could really go on and on about this, but I won't. I personally don't like to think about it, but I just hope that the families of those that were murdered by Manson's followers someday find peace. That is all. For now.

Twenty Minutes Until Lunch

I hope you enjoy the suspense of wondering whether or not I will keel over and die of hunger before I get to go on my lunch break in 20 minutes. You'll know I've died if a sentence ends abruptly.

Anyhoo. The roads in Houston are





Haha, just kidding. You thought it was all over, didn't you? Not so lucky this time. Moving on, as I was saying, the roads in Houston are horrendous. Considering the intense beatings my care receives on a daily basis, I'm amazed it hasn't fallen apart. I wonder if it's a problem if I am lightheaded after driving to work? Hm. Nah. The bit of road I am currently speaking of is the stretch of San Felipe between 610 and Chimney Rock. If you've been in the area lately, you know what I'm talking about.

New subject. Sometimes I wish I had a job doing manual labor. Nothing too difficult (like swinging a big hammer all day, no thank you), but something like gardening or landscaping. It would be nice to be outside everyday instead of cooped up in a sub-zero office cubicle. That's right, sub-zero. I sit beneath a giant (2 foot x 2 foot) air vent that blasts 54-degree gale force winds directly onto my shivering body. And I have this enormous window that lets me see people jogging down the street, taking a liesurely stroll, or walking their dog in the pleasant sunlight and cool breeze. The sun mocks me as it reflects off the building across from me, making me squint until after 1:00pm. That bastard. I guess I should stop complaining though. I have an air-conditioned room to sit in by myself all day, reading and doing my "budget," or surfin' the net. Yeah, I should probably be a wee bit more grateful for what I have. But I won't lose the dream!!!

Alright, so far, so good, only 10 minutes until lunch! Weeeeee! I'm considering going to the gym this evening. I know I should. If I ever have a shot at forcing Jeff into marital submission, I may have to lose a few pounds to trick him into thinking that if I look semi-decent, I'll look that way forever (not going to happen). I just hate going after work because it's so damned crowded. Also, I don't enjoy the girl that wears a only a sports-bra and stretch-y daisy dukes staring at me as I struggle with the machine she's waiting to use. I don't understand why she has to stand 3-feet away from me and stare. Why? I have 20 more reps, leave me alone. When I'm done, I'll move and then it's all yours! Jeez. Does anyone else have this problem? Also, the starer wears her hair down and is wearing make-up when she works out. I've watched her while I'm on the elliptical machine (this is starting to sound sort of creepy, I know, but she's a freak.) and she will stand in front of the mirror and re-pin her bangs out of her face, then check her mascara. It's sickening, I tell you!!!

Ok, well, I survived till lunch! I'm going to go eat now! Have a good day!

The "Budget"

Recently, I took up "budgeting." I may or may not have had to look it up in the dictionary. Seeing as my "salary" is ramen noodles away from minimum wage, I figured I could probably do with some good money-management practices. Just so you know, I have never, ever, budgeted, aside from putting away money for weekend escapades. Oh, I've always paid my rent on time (except in college when I drank my rent money then made a mad dash to the plasma-donating center to prostitute my fluids for cash), and paid my bills, but beyond that, I pretty much just view the excess cash left in my checking account as a "fun times fund," never tossing back any extra for savings or emergencies. I know, responsible, that's my middle name.

However--I am now bound and determined to get my stuff straight. I may not make a ton of money, but the money I do have needs to stop disappearing faster than a cold front in Texas. So, in that light, I have created a master budget that will allow me to pay off ALL my debt by June (fyi, my debt includes one credit card and a car that's about 75% paid for). Granted, this means that my monthly spending allowance will be around $200 (if that, probably less), I figure come June, I'll have about $500-600 a month back in my pretty little pocket.

But until June, I'm going to be going through withdrawals. Until June I'm going to have to perform the excrutiating task of saying "no" to friends and family who want me to meet them out for a beer (unless they're paying for said beer, in which case, I will gladly accept). The task of not even walking into a Target. The task of not going out to eat Mexican food when I get the inevitable craving for complimentary chips and salsa. The task of buying the store-brand spicy mustard (which is NOT the same!) instead of the delicious super-horseradish-y brand that I usually get. The task of not getting within a 10-mile radius of a bookstore. Maybe I'll have to become one of those people I despise who sit in the bookstore all night reading books but never EVER actually buying them. Ugh. Assholes.

If you are a family member or close friend reading this, I apologize in advance for giving you a crappy Christmas/birthday gift. It will probably be something along the lines of:

a) a card I make with my own hands consisting of a single sheet of notebook paper folded in half with a nice little drawing on the front and a nice little note inside. Thoughtful, no?
b) a cake with 3/4 of the proper ingredients. Yum!
c) a plant or flower I dug up and stole from my apartment complex. Everyone loves getting flowers!!!

So, please accept my apology in advance. When I pay off all my debt, you may or may not get a better gift. (But probably not.)

Wish me luck!!!