out of tall trees, climb on roofs, etc. I loved to fly in airplanes and I had no fear of heights. I welcomed scary movies and thought "Scream" and "I Know What You Did Last Summer" were mere childsplay. It was a wonderful life, full of hopes and dreams......then I watched "The Exorcist."
After seeing Linda Blair's possessed cranium spin around whilst spewing green vomit and hearing the voice of "Satan," I pretty much gave up on being brave. I don't think I gave up so much as had the desire ripped from me (by Satan and Hollywood's portrayal of him). After watching that one film, my life changed, and not for the better. I used to be a little weary of snakes. Their fangs and slithery bodies freaked me out. After watching The Exorcist, though, this fear of snakes escalated to a new level. See, my rationalization was this: if little girls can be possessed by Satan, and in nearly every written account of Satan, he is portrayed as a snake, then surely snakes, by proxy, can possess little girls, surely, this is Satan's means of demonically possessing human beings. Right? Of course. My logic is bulletproof.
From then on, my fear of snakes rose and, to this day, I still have a little voice in the back of my head saying, "not only can snakes bite you, but they can POSSESS YOU and make you do crazy, terrifying shit that will haunt you for the rest of your life." Do you see what watching "The Exorcist" has done to me? DO YOU???
Present day me still has a difficult time watching scary movies. I can handle the stupid "Jeepers Creepers," "The Blob," spooky ghost story type movies. Blobs can't possess me. However, any film that focuses on demonic possession or presences will send me running for the hills (which may or may not have eyes, apparently).
Enter Jeff. In case you aren't aware, a movie was released recently titled "Paranormal Activity." I'd read a little bit about it on the internet; reviews and such that said it was actually a good movie. It's hard to find a well-reviewed horror movie these days. A few days after I'd read about the movie, Jeff brought it up and mentioned that we should go see it (bastard). Seeing as I had read a few good reviews about it, I hesistantly conceded. So. Two nights ago, we went and saw it. From what I had read, it was a story about a couple who had a ghostly presence in their house. "Ok," I thought, "I can handle a fun, spooky ghost story." So, we hopped on down to the theatre and sawed of our left arms to pay for the tickets, since that was the fee, and got some soda and pickles and took our seats. The movie began innocently enough and had a few laughs. It was filmed the same way as "The Blair Witch Project," meaning that they filmed everything themselves so that they could see what seemed to be haunting "Katie." The premise was that, since she was 8 years old, she had been waking up to feel and see this presence in the room with her. It followed her to a new house, to college, etc., and now it was in the house where she was living with "Micah" her boyfriend. Apparently, it was a Katie-specific ghost. So, they call a paranormal researcher, who comes to the house to find out what is haunting Katie, and how to get rid of it.
This is when things went downhill. The paranormal researcher informed Katie and Micah that this "presence" was not, in fact, a ghost, but a demon. Yes. Demon. At this point, I looked at Jeff and said "I can't do this shit. If this thing's a demon, we have to leave." He said "Ok," but laughed at me. From then on out I had my hand over my eyes. After something would happen (like, the "DEMON" would lift up Katie's sheets, or stomp up and down the stairs, or pull her by her leg out of her bed, then drag her down the stairs), I'd make the mistake of asking Jeff "what just happened????" and then he'd tell me, so that I could form a (surely) more terrifying vision of what was happening than what was really occurring on the screen. Never a good idea. I should have never asked, never inquired, but nooooo. I was curious. So, the movie continues, and the demon's voice starts to say Katie's name, at which point I cover not only my eyes, but also my ears so I can't hear that creepy voice that will definitely be haunting my nightmares. I can still hear the bass and the screams of the rest of the audience, but the fact that I don't know what's happening is comforting. I don't see the grand finale, thank GOD, and finally the movie is over. As we're leaving I ask Jeff what happened at the end (stupid, stupid, stupid). He tells me (that asshole, he knew it would scare me) and I form the horrifying mental picture in my mind.
It's been 2 days since the movie. I'm tired at work right now because I CAN'T FALL ASLEEP AT NIGHT. I must have turned the lamp on 17 times last night because I thought I saw a shadow sweep across my bed, or my sheet lift up a fraction of a millimeter. Sunday night I didn't sleep at all. I laid there praying. I did crossword puzzles till 4 am, then read the rest of the 7 chapters of my book until I finally passed out around 5:45 am. I am now 98.9% convinced that I have a demon. A demon snake that's going to slither into my bed and into my mind and make me do weird scary things that will never allow me to be the same. A demon snake that will scratch it's long, gross nails (yes, my demon snake has nails. And he also has a grotesque half snake/half human body that can grab me and bite me and hoarsely whisper my name as I tremble in fear for my life) down the wall beside my bed and tap on my nightstand.
I can't believe Jeff forced me to see this movie. It's all his fault. Now I have a demon and only one arm with which to fight it off.
You would get a pickle at the movies...
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