The "Budget"

Recently, I took up "budgeting." I may or may not have had to look it up in the dictionary. Seeing as my "salary" is ramen noodles away from minimum wage, I figured I could probably do with some good money-management practices. Just so you know, I have never, ever, budgeted, aside from putting away money for weekend escapades. Oh, I've always paid my rent on time (except in college when I drank my rent money then made a mad dash to the plasma-donating center to prostitute my fluids for cash), and paid my bills, but beyond that, I pretty much just view the excess cash left in my checking account as a "fun times fund," never tossing back any extra for savings or emergencies. I know, responsible, that's my middle name.

However--I am now bound and determined to get my stuff straight. I may not make a ton of money, but the money I do have needs to stop disappearing faster than a cold front in Texas. So, in that light, I have created a master budget that will allow me to pay off ALL my debt by June (fyi, my debt includes one credit card and a car that's about 75% paid for). Granted, this means that my monthly spending allowance will be around $200 (if that, probably less), I figure come June, I'll have about $500-600 a month back in my pretty little pocket.

But until June, I'm going to be going through withdrawals. Until June I'm going to have to perform the excrutiating task of saying "no" to friends and family who want me to meet them out for a beer (unless they're paying for said beer, in which case, I will gladly accept). The task of not even walking into a Target. The task of not going out to eat Mexican food when I get the inevitable craving for complimentary chips and salsa. The task of buying the store-brand spicy mustard (which is NOT the same!) instead of the delicious super-horseradish-y brand that I usually get. The task of not getting within a 10-mile radius of a bookstore. Maybe I'll have to become one of those people I despise who sit in the bookstore all night reading books but never EVER actually buying them. Ugh. Assholes.

If you are a family member or close friend reading this, I apologize in advance for giving you a crappy Christmas/birthday gift. It will probably be something along the lines of:

a) a card I make with my own hands consisting of a single sheet of notebook paper folded in half with a nice little drawing on the front and a nice little note inside. Thoughtful, no?
b) a cake with 3/4 of the proper ingredients. Yum!
c) a plant or flower I dug up and stole from my apartment complex. Everyone loves getting flowers!!!

So, please accept my apology in advance. When I pay off all my debt, you may or may not get a better gift. (But probably not.)

Wish me luck!!!